Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
