just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Quick, to the slutcave!
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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