I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
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I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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