ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
