you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
