I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I looked at my own cervix.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
