Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I need to calm my uterus...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize