Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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