My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
