Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
