why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
