My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
