Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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