so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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