just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
