Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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