It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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