So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize