Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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