I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
