I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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