I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
