the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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