So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
