Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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