I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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