Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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