pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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