I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
