yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
