thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
