So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
