i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
