yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
We had to coat check the pizza.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
