how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
