Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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