i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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