How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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