oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The beer is more important than you right now.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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