saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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