Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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