So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
