I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
