dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
what day is it and did you see me today?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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