I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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