god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
