Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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