apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize