Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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