The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
