Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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