eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
