the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
