he looks like a really good dad on facebook
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
