are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize