i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
