If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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