There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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