i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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