he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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