My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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