i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
