She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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