i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
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he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
FUCK WHALES
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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