Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
