so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
