I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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