were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
